I Refuse to Subscribe (To Everything)

There I was, innocently scrolling through the internet, looking for absolutely nothing in particular (as one does), when an ad stopped me cold. It wasn’t for a life-changing gadget, nor was it for a questionable "miracle" supplement. No, this was worse. It was an ad for a shampoo subscription.

That’s right. Some marketing genius out there thinks I should subscribe to shampoo.

Now, I don’t know who needs to hear this, but shampoo is not Netflix. Shampoo is not a magazine. Shampoo is not a service. It is soap for my head. You buy it. You use it. You buy more when you need it. The End.

But no. Apparently, that’s not good enough for the corporate overlords. Now, they want us to subscribe to everything. Laundry detergent. Kitty litter. Coffee. Socks. I mean, sure, the socks I understand—those things disappear into the void faster than my motivation to exercise—but shampoo?

The Problem with Subscription Everything

Let’s talk about how these so-called "convenience" subscriptions actually work.

You sign up because, hey, you do need shampoo, and why not save 10% on the first order? Then, because time is an illusion and you have zero concept of how fast you go through bottles, before you even get halfway through the first one, BOOM! Another shipment arrives.

And then another.

And another.

Now you have a shampoo stockpile that rivals a doomsday prepper's pantry. Meanwhile, your credit card bill is racking up 26% compound interest on purchases you never intended to make, and soon you realize you’re paying off shampoo from three months ago while new shampoo keeps arriving.

No—Just No.

I’m putting my foot down. If I can’t walk into a store (or fine, click a button) and buy what I need, when I need it, with the money I have at that exact moment, I don’t want it. If I need to sign a contract to wash my hair, something has gone terribly wrong in society.

I refuse to live in a world where I have to cancel a free trial just to buy soap.

So no, faceless corporate entity trying to rope me into an eternal shampoo cycle—I will not subscribe. Not now, not ever. I will buy my shampoo like my ancestors before me: one bottle at a time, at my discretion, with zero commitment.

Who’s with me?

Comments

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